Elliott: Remembering Bob Haynes
By Bob Elliott
Canadian Baseball Network
There a certain people who come into your life and touch in a way you don’t forget.
Bob Haynes was one of those men.
He taught me how to skate on the frozen ice where the St. Lawrence empties into Lake Ontario in my home town of Kingston, Canada’s first capital (Unfortunately I only learned to turn one way on skates which cut my career short in Kingston Church Athletic League short).
He taught me how to drive (although he should not be blamed for me getting speeding tickets the same day on the 401 at Brockville and again around Trenton in January of 1987 leaving Ottawa to come to Toronto. Plus another one three days later on Malvern Street in Toronto, which earned me a visit to driving class).
Bob married my cousin Laurel Whitney and for my sister Elizabeth and myself they were our favourite baby sitters. Our grandpa Ben Whitney and grandma Ida Mae had six children: three girls Lorraine (married to Sam), Liz (Russ) and my mother Sarah Delia (Bob), plus three sons Fred (Janet), King (Norma) and Ben (Anne).
This is not a baseball piece ... it’s a story of a family and a good man.
To make sure there is some baseball content in here we should tell you about Uncle King, who wasn’t into baseball, football or hockey. He loved to paddle his canoe, dance, sail, make homemade beer in the basement and loved to socialize with family and friends. He would describe how he taught the legendary OF Vinnie McQuaide, who played for class-C Kingston Ponies in 1946 and was considered one of the city’s best players. He’d assume an unathletic stance and the cousins at Christmas morning would laugh in good fun.
What Uncle King did was serve so bravely in World War II in the RCAF, first as a navigator and then a rear gunner. Like Uncle Sam who parachuted behind enemy lines on D-Day after enlisting by fibbing about his age..
Laurel was the first born of 15 cousins from my mother’s generation, born to Norma and King. Laurel was the wisest then and still is. And the bravest too. A Celebration of Life was held last weekend on the east end of Kingston for her late husband Bob, felled by Alzheimer’s.
Obviously Laurel passed on her qualities to her three daughters Whitney, Terry-Ann and Heather.
Whitney Haynes attended McMaster before marrying school teacher Mike Zahra. They have two children Jasmine and Ben Zahra. Now, Whitney is a famous for jewelry design. Mike was called on to speak and said the reason was obvious -- “he was Bob’s favourite son-in-law..”
Terry Haynes (born the same day as Joey Votto, Roger Maris and myself) married Greg Murphy. They have three children: Jenna And Hope Murphy, along with Haynes Kent. Terry is a mindfulness stress reduction teacher (MBSR) after starting meditating for migraine pain. Terry couldn’t believe the difference it made physically and emotionally. Terry studied under Jon Kabat Zinn at the University of Massachusetts for five years. She has a clinic at her husband’s Kingston Orthopedic Pain Institute where she teaches courses and see clients individually.
Heather Haynes and hubby Jeff Montgomery have two children Whit and Sullivan Sully Montgomery. Heather is a famous well-known painter and artist.
(If you see a lot of the Haynes or the Whitney name in there it is because I have been told that my family has little imagination when it comes to names: my father was named Bob, I am named after him, my son is named after my father and my sister Elizabeth’s son is named Robbie). But as my mother used to say “If you find something good ... stick with it.”
Haynes Kent, 21, was the MC for celebration of Bob Haynes’ life. Hope, Bob’s youngest grand child and her friends, Kate Anderson and Alyssa Labrie gave a beautiful rendition of “Hallelujah.”
Said Haynes Kent in his opening remarks:
“I am one of Bobs grand kids. We are all gathered here to celebrate the life of a truly incredible man.
“I would like to start by sharing the words Grandpa said to me at my dad’s funeral. “Anyone can be a father, but it takes a special person to be a dad.” aunt Whitney, aunt Heather, mom ... Grandpa was a dad.
“When I was asked to MC this celebration of life, I started to think about what words I would use to describe grandpa: loving, funny, charismatic. It was impossible to narrow it down. I wanted to see what words others were using to describe him after the news of his passing.
“Just to name a few, he was happy, peaceful and kind. He was a proud father, grandfather and husband. But most of all he was loved. Loved by so many. The impact he had on so many lives will never be forgotten, and even though the past few years have been hard, he will never forgot those who impacted him.
“I feel so lucky to call him my grandfather, but the thing I feel most lucky about is being a part of a beautiful family that he and grandma created, full of love and support.”
* * *
Bob had a sense of humor. He had lots of hair when he was teaching me to drive or skate or letting me stay up past mother’s curfew. But eventually he lost a lot and his inquisitive grand children wanted to know why he didn’t have any when everyone else did.
One story he would tell the grand babies is that he was riding a torpedo and his torpedo “got too close to another torpedo and blew his hair off.” Or that he stood tall underneath a helicopter blade and lost his locks.
* * *
In his opening remarks Haynes Kent spoke to his aunts and mom,
“The best qualities of grandpa shine through each of you. He was so proud of you, his girls. You are all so kind, loving, wise, and have a great sense of humor, I think that was his best quality to pass on. I love you all so much!
“To Grandma (Laurel, or Waurel as we used to call her growing up):
“I hope you are feeling all of the love in this room today. We are here to celebrate the life of your husband, but we are also here to show our love and appreciation towards you. You are grandpa’s other half and he will always be with you. The two of you started this family and we are all so proud to be a part of it. I love you.”
* * *
Bob Haynes was born in Kingston to Florence Payne and George Haynes on Sept. 19th 1939, the oldest of five siblings. Gloria, Judy, Tom and Rod. He was raised in Fort Henry Heights. He graduated from Queen Elizabeth High School and Ryerson University.
He married his high school sweetheart, the love of his life, Laurel Whitney, at St. Andrews Church in 1961. He lived and worked in Three Rivers and Shawinigan Que. before joined DuPont Kingston where he would work until his retirement.
The family moved to Brockville and Ajax twice for the job and my family spent many Christmas night whether it was Kingston, Brockville or Athens. We even survived a power outage, a flood and a bad stove which over cooked the potatoes three times.
Between all the moves, the Haynes family home base was their cottage on Lake Opinicon. The memories are endless. The lake has been the start of many friendships and bonds that will last a lifetime. My wife and I spent our first wedding anniversary there. We were supposed to stay a week. My sister and my sister-in-law, Lorraine, came to show us the way and explain how the plumbing worked.
There wasn’t a moon out that first night. The flashlight toppled over and we both levitated a foot into the air. Elizabeth and Lorraine left after 24 hours. Not being the outdoors type, then or now, I lasted 26 hours (rather than seven days) forgetting to bring Uncle Ben’s sail boat, The Chubb, and my swim trucks.
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More Haynes Kent:
“Grandpa loved the country. He would fix old stone homes, refinish old furniture and garden. He loved to raise and keep horses, make his own maple syrup and collect early Canadiana. He had many hobbies including golfing, skiing, watching sports, boating, and swimming dancing, especially the jive.
“Upon retirement he took over the Whitney Manor as the manager and handyman. Years later Terry and Greg took over the business running the inn. He was so loved and so proud of his girls and his family.
“He welcomed each son in law as if they were one of his own. He was a grandfather to his seven grandchildren and grandfather to about 20 or more honorary grandchildren.
“He would go to all of the grand kids sporting events and was the biggest fan in the stands. Grandpa was diagnosed with dementia and Alzheimer’s. He was a huge advocate for showing you can still live a happy and positive life after diagnosis. He continued to travel and enjoy all the little things in life to the fullest, never taking anything for granted.
“He lived a wonderful life supported by his wonderful wife, who loved him unconditionally. His daughters, who were by his side every step of the way. His son in laws, who he always loved and respected. And by his grand kids who will forever pass on his legacy..
“He will help guide us through every difficult situation, be by our side for every big moment and always be the biggest fan in the stands. We love you gramps.”
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Daughter Terry Haynes (born the same day as Joey Votto, Roger Maris and myself) gave a moving speech:
“A wise man once said that as long as you are breathing there is more right with you then wrong. I think of these words often when I am suffering. I thought of these words as I sat beside my father during his final hours. Aware that at this time all that he had left was his breath … and from where I sat I contemplated possible exceptions to these words of wisdom.
“As I bow my head in sorrow I discover our hands intertwined. His soft, warm, appropriately aged fully alive hands. Upon reflection, it occurs to me that these beautiful hands were among the first to hold me and to hold my sisters Whitney and Heather too. These hands along with our mothers were the first to care and bath, feed and change us. We held his hand our whole lives till now, and when we did we felt loved, and proud and safe. His hands along with his words picked us up when we fell down, they wiped our tears and even played tickle monster for hours on end.
“These same hands are the ones that cut the trees, cleared the land and built our family a sacred cabin nestled on magical Lake Opinicon. Our father’s hands build docks, and decks that hosted generations of joyous gatherings, dancing and singing, playing games and stargazing.
“Our father’s hands taught us how to build tree forts, how to throw a perfect spiral football pass, how to hold a hockey stick, a fishing rod, and a golf club. These hands didn’t see gender only possibility, fun and adventure.
“They taught us how to catch snakes and frogs and take a fish off a hook, to drive boats and tractors, and cars; how to ride horses and bikes, how to swim and do a perfect swan drive off of Snake Island; well he could and grandson Whit can too.
“We spent parts of our life on hobby farms. Our Dad used his hands to move hay bails, build a barn, shovel manure and tap trees for maple syrup. He used them to grow vegetable gardens in the summers and to make the best snow forts in the winters.
“They loved to hold us while we danced ... he loved to dance and they would swing us around while we waltzed and when we jived, and even did a little disco, they were also used to do many a handstand and acrobats.
“My mother didn’t know how to braid hair so my father’s hands learned how. The same ones that would scratch our backs and brush our hair. The same ones that did the same for his granddaughters many years later.
“Hand and hand, he walked each of his three daughters down the aisle, not once but twice for me. At one time, they knew how hold a drink and light a ciggy at the same time. Rothman’s and Old Vienna, five-star rye and ginger, or sometimes despite Laurel’s wrath straight vodka. Replaced the next morning with a coffee or a bloody marry.
“These same, at times naughty hands would make certain gestures, usually met with a funny face and sometimes the words of a devil, ones that we will let Aunt Whitney share and pass on.
“At basketball games, volleyball, soccer, football, hockey, wrestling matches and rugby games too. These hands cheered proudly and loudly for his daughters and their teammates and his grandchildren and their teammates, even for a special iron man.
“These hands were an integral part of his heart-warming embraces. Ones that were generously given to his daughters, his grandchildren, his siblings, nieces and nephews, his son in laws, his friends, and our friends and his grandchildren’s friends.
“These 80-year-old hands, the ones that adorned a wedding ring on his left and a DuPont ring on his right where mostly used to embrace one special person, his high school sweetheart, his bride, life partner, best friend, our mother … Laurel.
“When I goggled what hand holding means … yes I did that and this is what I found. “Holding hands is that front line of communicating emotions physically”
The hands or Laurel and Bob clasp along with their daughters Whitney, Terry and Heather.
“Fast forward to even fewer of our father’s final hours, ones where all he had left was still his breath, he somehow, as if by miracle gathered our precious family of five hands together one last time. All 10 of them stacked and intertwined lovingly together, all sharing the same Bob’s tattoo.
“Some days have passed and I am comforted by the fact that clearly there was more right with him then wrong.
“Our father didn’t do anything that extraordinary in his life; at least not in the way that society may measure the word. But Robert Elroy Haynes simply was extraordinary, and I am truly blessed to be one of his three fortunate daughters.”
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Bob Haynes touched my life.
I am thankful for Waurel and his daughters sharing him with my sister and I.