August 23, 2023

By Melissa Verge

Canadian Baseball Network

Pain. Joy. Sadness.

In the 48 days since his son JR was born, Jay Jackson has felt it all.

The second floor hospital room in Salt Lake City, Utah, has seen a lot of tears and small moment celebrations from Sam Bautista, Jackson’s fiancée, and Blue Jays reliever Jackson who was recently optioned to triple-A Buffalo.

The hospital is the only home their son has known. He lies inside his incubator, the voices of mom and dad reaching out through the darkness whenever they can be at the NICU.

They all have to be strong. JR, fighting for a life outside his incubator, born July 6 at just under 25 weeks. Bautista, some nights hardly sleeps at all, between taking care of the other two kids, working, worrying and evenings at the hospital. Jackson, saying sweet hellos and painful goodbyes when his off day wraps up and he goes back to his job as a professional baseball player. He has to compartmentalize his life for the short time he’s on the mound, made easier by the strength and support he has from his family. Then, when his job pitching is done, he can go back and be the best dad, spouse, brother and everything else he can be, he said, even in emotionally tumultuous circumstances.

“There’s times I'm upset, there's times I cry, and there's times that I’m unbelievably grateful and I’m thankful for everything,” Jackson said. “I’ve gone through pretty much every emotion I could possibly go through in this short time of almost 50 days, so it's an emotional rollercoaster.”

Most recently there’s been joy, when Jackson got to hold his son for the first time Saturday more than six weeks after he was born. JR lay on Jackson in the hospital room and the two fell asleep, the incubator no longer an obstacle. His son, a mirror image of him, lay with his tiny chest pressed against his.Two heartbeats.

Together at last, Jackson cried.

“It was indescribable, it just felt like we just melted together I guess,” he said.

It was quickly followed by a bathroom break on both mom and dad - a sure sign, Bautista said, that he must feel very comfortable with them both.

It’s a bright spot, something certain to celebrate in a circumstance that has brought a lot of uncertainty. They’re hopeful JR will be able to come home October 20, his original due date, but it all depends on his development until then. It’s possible he had a stroke, there was some brain bleeding that has since subsided, Bautista said. They don’t yet know the full impact of that.

Long term they’re not sure what his development will look like, but it’s likely he will need a lot of occupational therapy, a lot of follow ups, and it’s possible that when he is released from the hospital that he will go home on oxygen.

For now, though, Bautista’s evening routine, and Jackson’s whenever he’s able to make it back on an off day, is to go to the hospital. They drive the 45 minutes, and pull up two chairs around their infant son’s incubator. Jackson’s lap is usually covered in books, and he reads to their son.

They talk to the incubator, and they talk to each other, and they celebrate the small things.

This is something Jackson has taught her to do, Bautista said. She tends to be anxious and impatient. Her sister works as an occupational therapist, and she took some of her books from school to read. She’s printed off studies, highlighted them and spent countless hours looking over the information, preparing questions for the doctors.

After JR reaches another milestone, she’s already looking forward to the next one.

Jackson helps balance her out. He has patience, Bautista said. She’s always known this, it’s part of the reason she fell in love with the talented athlete, who she was friends with for years before they got together.

He supports her research, her questions, but at the end of the day they’re going to have to just wait and see and celebrate the small things along the way, he’s told her.

And it’s rubbed off.

“Oh, did you see him move his hand?” Bautista has said to Jackson.

JR recently hit two pounds, a milestone that is celebrated with an achievement certificate hung up beside his incubator. It’s joined by some family photos, which Bautista said she explained to him, although she knows his eyes can’t yet reach that far.

“This is what your siblings look like and this is what mom and dad look like, and this is your dad in his uniform,” she said.

Sports are already part of the young baby’s life, even inside the incubator. Father and son bonding time sometimes comes with baseball. Depending on the day, Jackson will put on the game, and show it to their son. That’s a personal favourite for Bautista to watch.

He had to say goodbye to him on Tuesday morning when he flew out to New York to go back to work on the diamond.

Parting ways is tough on both of them.

“Every time I leave it hurts, every time I come back it's such a joyous feeling to have,” Jackson said.

There’s positives and negatives to playing in triple-A - he’ll have more off days to spend with his family, but traveling between the two cities may be more complicated than flying out of Toronto towards Salt Lake. The organization had to make a business decision, Jackson said, and like other things in his life, he looks at the positives.

That’s what they’re all doing now - making the best of the situation and finding the good. JR, at less than 50 days old, is already the strongest person they know.

“He just kicks ass, he has always,” Bautista said. “I never met someone who fights as strong as he does, and it's so wild that it’s this little newborn baby.”

“That man has been through everything possible and he's still just sitting there growing and hanging in there and getting better and better each day,” Jackson said.

“I tell Sam this all the time, he's the best version of me. I'm just excited to see what everything holds for him.”